Keeping. Life. Simple.

Texts from boys are not cool.

I’ve been poorly

So I’ve been poorly, and it’s like life is playing with me. It’s like it knows I like video games and so it is going to deliver my illness to me in FUCKING LEVELS.

Level 1 - Have a sore throat and tickly cough… and go to an audition. (which I fooking got a callback for btw. The struggle was real.)

Level 2 - Have a sore throat and learn about social inequality and white privilege. This was because my vocal exertion of the day previous meant that my now sore throat had dropped about 3 octaves and I sounded like Morgan Freeman. Cue having to make lots of phone calls. Now I didn’t have a problem with sounding like a black man… but when people tell me to repeat things because they can’t understand me due to my accent (which I can only assume meant “black voice”) you have to start to question the world in which we live. I also had to walk to hopetheverb's to feed the cute little wabbits…. but by the time I got there I was so knackered I had to have a wee nap on the couch before coming home. During which time it had started raining and so I got soaked. Level 2 was a dick level. Kinda like that ice level on Donkey Kong Country at the start of world 4. 

Level 3 - This was the build up to the final boss. So it was relatively straightforward. The cough was back, but my throat was no longer sore. I also kept sneezing… and here’s a fun fact. Sneezing with a beard is about 1000000000% more messy than sneezing without one. It’s actually gross.

Level 4 - This was the “false security” level. By this time I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought I was on the home stretch. I called up work and said I’d be in tomorrow. Then… that night… I had fever, delusions, headache, dizzyness. Pretty much anything you could throw at me all combined with the impending dread that I had said I’d be okay to work tomorrow

Level 5 - BOSS FIGHT - The morning was simple (I work nights). I saved my game before leaving the house, and set off on the 30 minute walk to work. Arrive at work all feverish: “wow Randomspot… you look pale”. Great start. See my boss “you picked a great day to come back, look at how hard your shift is going to be!”…. Great middle. Then factor in something I really don’t want to go into, but was basically me getting all my buttons pushed by some people and inadvertantly saying something I really really shouldn’t have in front of an AWFUL lot of people…. and we have the hat trick. Great end.

Level 6 - The Respite - And sleep for the whole day following yesterdays boss fight. Am feeling better however having powered through.

Level 7 - REAL BOSS FIGHT - You know when a game gives you a boss fight, and you finish it and then it’s all “THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM?!?!?!!? MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA” … yeah, that shit happened. I had a blood test and my call back today, and I was feeling better. Pre Blood Test - “Hey doc, I’ve been really fluey, you sure this blood test is a good idea?” “well you wanna make sure you’re healthy don’t ya?” - Good point doc, well made. During Blood Test: “So did you say you’ve been ill? Seems like its taken its toll on your veins… I can’t get any blood out of this one.” So after treating me like a pin cushion, we finally get a vein with some blood… and I go down like a sack of shit. I wake up, caked in sweat, not knowing where I am, my blood pressure has HALVED since before they stuck me full of holes, and my arm is slowly turning the same shade as a Cadbury’s dairy milk bar because I passed out with the needle in me. So I have a twix and some cream soda and head on my merry way for a relaxing RECALL AUDITION.

Seriously, my life is a joke and I want out. 

If you have enjoyed my review of the game “Randomspot gets sick”, please do get in touch. All you have to do in order to obtain your very own copy of “Get Sick” is head to Randomspot’s house and request that he spit directly into your mouth. HAPPY GAMING.

thequeenandthephoenix:

oh my fucking god


Protective boyfriend

thequeenandthephoenix:

oh my fucking god

Protective boyfriend

(Source: vaginal-erection)

Unfortunate/deliberate wording…

Unfortunate/deliberate wording…

Customer requests

Customer requests

tastefullyoffensive:

Reversed GIFs [via]

Previously: Animals Being Jerks

I have come to the conclusion that all gifs should be reversed

  • me beginning of day: I am going to shower wash my hair exfoliate moisturise drink 2 litres of water eat lots of fruit and vegetables do the laundry and dishes read a book pet a dog help the homeless donate to cancer and finish all my work
  • me end of the day: still in bed rotting away
Thinking on your feet

Thinking on your feet

(Source: skeletonclaw)

ronaldtherapist:

Lifehack: Steal toilet paper from public restrooms to save money

Lifehack: Steal anything from anyone to save money

nsfwhumor:

[mrlovenstein]

LOOK AT THAT SICK FUCK

pleatedjeans:

via

Every-fucking-time

pleatedjeans:

via

Every-fucking-time

CARLOS

(Source: ruinedchildhood)